This page will be added to over time. These are a few jokes I remember from growing up. I cannot remember most of the jokes I've heard/read in books/magazines. Now, what would we be without a laugh. I hope the following jokes bring you enjoyment.
When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar [a jar].
***
Which is closer, America or the moon?
--The moon.
--Why?
--Because you can see the moon but you can't see America!
***
Sherlock Holmes and a bishop went mountaineering and they were spending the night together in a tent. There was a gale blowing on the mountainside where the two were encamped.
After a few hours passed and neither restless mountaineer could find any sleep Sherlock Holmes asked the bishop to look up and tell him what he could see.
The bishop replied that he could see a myriad of stars.
Sherlock Holmes enquired of the bishop, "Your Grace, what can you deduce from that?"
The bishop answered, "From the amount of stars I am able to see I deduce that there are probably many planets orbiting around them and I also deduce that there is a high probability that there is life on some of those orbiting planets."
Sherlock Holmes then replied, "Your Grace, from the number of stars we are able to see... I hereby deduce that we are now without a tent!"
***
I'm on a seafood diet. It's great. Because I "sea" food and then I eat it.
***
A professor hosted a party for time travellers. He didn't send the invitations until after the event.
No one turned up.
***
A miser hid his gold at the foot of a tree in his garden. Every week he dug it up and looked at it.
One night a robber dug up the gold and ran away with it. The next morning, when the miser came to look at his treasure, he found only the empty hole.
Then he raised such a cry of sorrow that the neighbours ran to find out what the trouble was. In great grief he told them of his loss.
"Did you use any of the gold?" asked one of the neighbours.
"No," answered the miser. "But I looked at it every week."
"Then come every week and look at the hole," said the neighbour. "That will do you just as much good as looking at the gold did."
***
Now, this one is kind of rude, but I couldn't stop laughing when I read it. I stepped aboard a pirate ship and when I slipped I slipped into a pirate ship.
***
A superstitious man was very afraid of venturing out any Friday the 13th in case something unfortunate befell him. So every Friday the 13th he would stay at home wrapped up in bed waiting for the day to pass. And on Friday the 13th one year his ceiling fell apart and fell on top of him and killed him.
***
A city wall and a trampoline. Oh, nothing, just a line from the great band the Killers (they're class). And on that note...: (see picture below)
***
Henry Ward Beecher, the noted Protestant preacher, once received an envelope. On opening it he found a sheet of paper with one word written in the centre: "Fool". Beecher forthwith made a public announcement that he had received several letters to which the writers had forgotten to sign their names, but that this was first instance in which the writer had signed his name while forgetting to write the letter itself.
***
After his last shot, Mr ____ turned to his caddy and asked: "What do you think of my game?"
The caddy thought for a moment and then replied: "I think your game is quite good. But I still prefer golf myself."
***
Eoin Dunford: I was working in an office once and I had to file a certain letter, I looked at it, an office letter should have started DEAR ____ HORGAN or DEAR MR and/or M/S HORGAN; instead the letter began
Dear Horgan.
Full stop supplied freely (LOLOL).
***
Another one: If you saw two, say, similar-looking people separately it wouldn't be funny. If you saw these two people sitting side by side then you would laugh your head off. More humour coming to this page pronto.
When it's ajar [a jar].
***
Which is closer, America or the moon?
--The moon.
--Why?
--Because you can see the moon but you can't see America!
***
Sherlock Holmes and a bishop went mountaineering and they were spending the night together in a tent. There was a gale blowing on the mountainside where the two were encamped.
After a few hours passed and neither restless mountaineer could find any sleep Sherlock Holmes asked the bishop to look up and tell him what he could see.
The bishop replied that he could see a myriad of stars.
Sherlock Holmes enquired of the bishop, "Your Grace, what can you deduce from that?"
The bishop answered, "From the amount of stars I am able to see I deduce that there are probably many planets orbiting around them and I also deduce that there is a high probability that there is life on some of those orbiting planets."
Sherlock Holmes then replied, "Your Grace, from the number of stars we are able to see... I hereby deduce that we are now without a tent!"
***
I'm on a seafood diet. It's great. Because I "sea" food and then I eat it.
***
A professor hosted a party for time travellers. He didn't send the invitations until after the event.
No one turned up.
***
A miser hid his gold at the foot of a tree in his garden. Every week he dug it up and looked at it.
One night a robber dug up the gold and ran away with it. The next morning, when the miser came to look at his treasure, he found only the empty hole.
Then he raised such a cry of sorrow that the neighbours ran to find out what the trouble was. In great grief he told them of his loss.
"Did you use any of the gold?" asked one of the neighbours.
"No," answered the miser. "But I looked at it every week."
"Then come every week and look at the hole," said the neighbour. "That will do you just as much good as looking at the gold did."
***
Now, this one is kind of rude, but I couldn't stop laughing when I read it. I stepped aboard a pirate ship and when I slipped I slipped into a pirate ship.
***
A superstitious man was very afraid of venturing out any Friday the 13th in case something unfortunate befell him. So every Friday the 13th he would stay at home wrapped up in bed waiting for the day to pass. And on Friday the 13th one year his ceiling fell apart and fell on top of him and killed him.
***
A city wall and a trampoline. Oh, nothing, just a line from the great band the Killers (they're class). And on that note...: (see picture below)
***
Henry Ward Beecher, the noted Protestant preacher, once received an envelope. On opening it he found a sheet of paper with one word written in the centre: "Fool". Beecher forthwith made a public announcement that he had received several letters to which the writers had forgotten to sign their names, but that this was first instance in which the writer had signed his name while forgetting to write the letter itself.
***
After his last shot, Mr ____ turned to his caddy and asked: "What do you think of my game?"
The caddy thought for a moment and then replied: "I think your game is quite good. But I still prefer golf myself."
***
Eoin Dunford: I was working in an office once and I had to file a certain letter, I looked at it, an office letter should have started DEAR ____ HORGAN or DEAR MR and/or M/S HORGAN; instead the letter began
Dear Horgan.
Full stop supplied freely (LOLOL).
***
Another one: If you saw two, say, similar-looking people separately it wouldn't be funny. If you saw these two people sitting side by side then you would laugh your head off. More humour coming to this page pronto.
